Saturday, April 18, 2009

Cloud in my Heart

I have a lot of bestfriends but they were at different places. I met this one when i was studying. She is so different from the others. I changed alot because of her. Before i met her, i was a little bit rude, cold, saying thing that might hurt others feeling, moody and too serious. It's hard for me to smile for the whole day or while meet the stranger. I don't care what people said about me. I don't care if they hurt becoz of my words and i don't know how to take care of others whose live around me. After i met her, all the worth got so much better. She really knows how to make me smile. Sometimes, just looking at her can make me smile by myself. I can smile till my stomach got hurt cuz too much laughing. As yo know, laugh is contagious. So, I really appreciate that n i would like to thank her for giving me a chance to be a better one.

But I never thought this thing could happen to both of us. I thought we understand each other very well. I really thought that she is my best-ever-friend that i couldn't find at the other places n we'll be friend forever. I thought she'd accept me as who i am.

But yesterday, i just woke up from my dream. My expectation on her was too high. Sometimes, i thought that she is a perfect person. I'm really thankful cuz i have this kind of bestfriend. When i've done something wrong, sometimes she'd raise her voice n gave me some advice. Even i hate people advice me in that kind of tone but still i can accept it cuz she is a friend who'd drove me to the right way. Even she always said i'm the 'Lampi' one, i still accept it as a joke. Even there's some times when she didn't listen to me, ignoring me, comment about things that i loved very much, i still can be patient. But i'm not perfect;ate every words, be patient, be patient, patient for the whole time. No, i'm not that kind of person but i try my best, be patient, be patient, be patient, cuz she is my bestfriend!

Yesterday she send me an e-mail telling me the things that she didn't satisfy about. When i read the e-mail, i felt really upset n sad. Doesn't she know that i already knew all those things?? i tried my best to fix it. If i were my old self, i wouldn't care if i'm doing the wrong things and I'll just leave it there like there's nothing happen and that's not my fault. But now, i'm just lookin' with blank mind cz i dunno what should i do.

I'm pretty sure that she doesn't know this. i'm such a low confident person. I'm not going to tell her about that. I'm not going to tell her what i hate about herself. I really want to tell her but i can't, cuz she is my bestfriend forever. What's gonna happen to us after this?? Huhh,, who knows..??

Dear frenz,

I'm sorry for making u made.
I'm sorry that i'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that i'm not good enough to u.
I'm sorry that i am nothing compared to u.

I'm sorry that u felt like i'm taking advantages on u.
I'm sorry that u always have alot of hard times because of me.
I'm sorry for making u the leader cuz i thought u r the best.
I'm sorry that my confident always on the lowest level, no matter what.
I'm sorry for writing all these thing on my blog cuz i can't express my feeling in front of the others.

I just wanna thank her for being my friend for all this time. I don't think we can be friend like before. Not anymore. Lastly, thanks for everything n sorry for everything. For those who read this post, please keep it as a secret. i didn't post this to hurt anyone n i don't have any hidden reason. just to calm my mind only. thanks for reading my blog. [Still hoping that we could make up one day..yeah..maybe..]


kiwi said...

Feel like crying whenever i read this post. we make up after 6 months. she is still my bestest-friend. i miss her during our need-some-space-time. and i still miss you today, friend.

kiwi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.


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